woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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