I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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