There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
