and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
