If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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