i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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