Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
