There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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