When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize