shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
