i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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