i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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