I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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