My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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