my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
