I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
