is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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