thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
