We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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