just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
