she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize