You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
