next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
