proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
