I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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