we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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