put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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