Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
