Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
