Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
