he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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