I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
