He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
