There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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