so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I smell stomach acid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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