wakey wakey hands off snakey
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
