I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
