I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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