And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
