12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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