I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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