Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
