I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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