i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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