hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize