Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
