I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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