Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i now understand why vodka
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
