cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
