did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
