i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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