I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize