watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
