Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
