Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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