just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize