I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
