im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
