It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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