I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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