Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize