I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
