Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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