Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
