you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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