My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
