I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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