Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
