He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
