Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I just sharted jello shots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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