I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
