Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize